Navigating Complex Mother-Daughter Relationships
Mother-Daughter relationships are complex and don’t always come with love and support. When daughters grow up with emotionally distant,manipulative, critical, or even abusive mothers, it can trigger feelings of isolation, invisibility, or lack of safety.
Growing up in such a loveless environment where the natural attachment to the main caretaker, the mother, is not safe or even toxic, can lead to a lack of self-love, self-respect, personal value, and self-confidence for women. Growing up with a mother that doesn’t know how to love can cause fear of attachment and result in all kinds of problems in future relationships with other people.
This is why we talk about the “mother wound” and the “inner child,” representing the little version of yourself that remains within. It’s crucial, in my view, to firstly acknowledge the painful truth of growing up with an unloving mother. Then, take the next step of understanding your reactions and identifying behavioral patterns and coping mechanisms that you might have developed.
In the blog below, I share my journey of shifting my mindset around my challenging relationship with my own mother.
Personal Growth and Transformation
At a certain point, I proactively engaged in my personal growth journey. I moved away from “blaming” and shedded the victim role, instead focusing on healing my “mother wound” and nurturing my “inner child.”
Now, I stand in a place of deep self-respect, trusting my inner wisdom, and seeking no such external validation. I’ve ceased longing for what was never there. I’ve experienced motherly love from remarkable women who’ve crossed my path, including my cherished grandmother, aunt, and through beautiful friendships spanning various ages and cultures.
Unearthing Insights from “Mother’s Who Can’t Love”
A significant moment of insight and relief, knowing I wasn’t alone, came from reading Susan Forward’s book, “Mother’s Who Can’t Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters.”
My Inner Journey
For many years I have felt resentful towards my mother.
For all her shortcomings that caused me pain and many tears. The loving mother I never had.
She took care of my siblings and I in a material way, but there was a lack of love, care and emotional connection.
At some point I needed to cut the (metaphorical) umbilical cord with her and there was no contact for almost a decade….
In that decade many things transpired: I moved to Chile, set up my own tour company and discovered many things from curiosity and creativity.
I needed to do all of this on my own because the negative energetic presence of my mother was too painful.
In that decade I went through several therapies to heal this mother wound, from trying a re-birthing experience, to seeing psychologists and training with Bert Hellinger’s Family Constellations.
Yet I still couldn’t forgive my mother….
The pain was too big inside. I did keep in touch with my father, but sadly this put him in an impossible position.
A few years ago, just before the pandemic, and due to family circumstances, I had to face my mother again.
That was painful and uncomfortable.
The pandemic however, provided an opening which felt comfortable for me to slowly resume contact and to have a video call once a week.
And in the meantime I really sat down and asked myself how I wanted to continue…
Holding on to this grudge, resentment, anger and pain?
Or to accept that my mother too is only a person who was raised, shaped and programmed by her circumstances and that she just didn’t know how to behave any differently?
Taking the distance and time helped me to put things into a perspective.
To grow as a person and welcome new magical things and people into my life.
I admire that little girl inside me, who has gained immense courage to do everything on her own, who has the fire and (com)passion for life and her sense of justice and trust burning so strongly… To have the energy and the will to prove everyone wrong. That she can do it!
I wouldn’t have come as far without her. A grown version of her is what I now call my inner G. I. Jane / Guerrera and I cherish her power within me.
I have decided to forgive my mother for all that I feel she wronged that little girl, and to look towards her with compassion, acknowledging that she was raised in other times, in a difficult situation and that she used the limited tools she had.
I don’t like what happened, but I decided to let go. To move on to happier things.
I decided to be grateful for all the things my inner Guerrera has achieved, and my adult self now gives the love, support and protection to this little girl that she never experienced.
Holding on to grudges, anger and resentment are all negative frequencies that can make you unwell, both physically and emotionally.
Try to be loving to yourself and make an effort to forgive those who have hurt you.
Hurt People Hurt People
Addit: Both of my parents came to visit me in Spain in October 2021 ….
Baby steps 🙏🦋
Take from this what you need.
Lots of love,
Ready for your own growth journey? Explore the Mindset Workbook. It’s a meticulously crafted workbook with self-reflecting questions and insights as a start or deep dive into your personal transformation. Check it out here.
Meet Suzi – Your Personal Guide
Welcome! I’m Suzi, your co-pilot on the path to personal and business success.
I enjoy embarking on new adventures and being in nature. I live in an eco-off-grid house in the Spanish mountains with my 2 horses, 4 dogs and 2 cats.
My life has taken an unusual path; starting as an entrepreneur in 2013, I had the chance to call 10 different countries my home.
On this journey, I discovered the foundations for connecting with people from diverse backgrounds. I create a safe space for deep conversations, allowing you to be seen and heard. Through formal training and qualifications, I maximised positive outcomes for my clients, guiding them on their journey of growth.
I bring a unique blend of ambition, honesty, and playfulness to empower individuals who refuse to settle for less. As an experienced entrepreneur and skilled life consultant, I combine my practical wisdom, creative insights, and holistic approach to help you achieve your goals.
“Discover the magic of blending entrepreneurial expertise and life coaching to nurture your personal and professional growth through a holistic approach.”